And now for something different
Feb. 10th, 2014 12:20 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
serrureConsider this a place holder motivation I guess? Wow there's no grammar check, barely spell checked and it literally just descends into conversation/placeholders sorry sorry.
There is no real traumatic or emotionally stimulating reason that Kagami is a stripper. His family isn't in debt to the yakuza, he's not jilted over anyone nor is he specifically traumatized physically or mentally. The sad truth is, his basketball scholarship barely covered his tuition and unfortunately, unlike the semi-pro league and its annual tryouts, student loans wait for no man.
He needed money, and he needed it fast.
Besides, his job options were limited to either this, hosting, or some kind of job in the food service industry and with his stomach's sensitivity to alcohol as well as the limited job experience he did have, the other two options were out from the get go.
It's not exactly his dream job, but he could have it far, far worse. Stripping's pretty straight forward: you take your clothes off, dance a little, money gets thrown at you--the end. If anything, the only real drawbacks about his job ARE his coworkers, which he's realized through repeated exposure are kind of insane and mentally fifteen and not above throwing shoes at each other. Oh and his boss is kind of a megalomaniac and simultaneously maternal.
...So there's that.
But crazy coworkers he can deal with, a nosy boss he can deal with, he's gotten used to the fact that one of the two bouncers at the door in charge of his safety on occasion tends to nap instead of do his job, he can deal with the fact one of his co-workers has a stalker who he both harasses and dotes over, and he can deal with the fact another of his co-workers is LITERALLY a heartbeat from stalking his OWN roommate. And he's not even going to get into it about Hanamiya.
Kagami's sadly gotten USED to the collective weird that is his coworkers and kind of friends. They're not so bad really...ish. Mostly. They mean well. It was just a job, these things happen, hazards of the trade and all that. Instead of wearing a suit and tie, working nine to five, Kagami and his coworkers disrobe and dance from five to two. In a way, he actually started making peace with himself and his lot in life even when it came down to the fact that twice a day he helps another dude strap himself into platform heels while helping another coat his body in glitter.
Of course this was all before Aomine Daiki decided to make Kagami's life all the more complicated.
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Aomine later claims that he was flirting, Kagami champions that it was harassment that eventually wore him down.
Kuroko translates it as Aomine wearing Kagami down with his presence. It's Aomine's form of flirting.
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All of them have themes, which they seldom stray from cause then Akashi gets kind of tetchy and annoyed and thereby you somehow end up running laps around the damn club even though you're not even in high school anymore.
Kagami's a fireman, Kise's is either him as an idol or him as a painter (Kagami's never really bothered asking why it's either of those two if only because he's kind of afraid of the answer), Takao's always a nurse (they're not even that kind of club, but Takao's always a nurse and he's always in heels and stockings), Himuro's does something with military uniforms (it's really just an excuse for him to wear short shorts and lace up knee-highs), Hanamiya has some kind of spider theme, and then there's Aomine with his cop routine.
They alternate days, and Akashi is usually in charge of scheduling but for reasons that mystify Kagami even with the supposedly 'random' sequence, his set days always coincide with Kise and Takao's.
He has a sneaking suspicion they both begged Akashi for it if only because Kagami's kind of a push over and the most likely to help them out with the least amount of resistance.
At this point, he's not even shocked that he knows Takao's shoe size, nor that he could probably snap him into garters blindfolded. And that doesn't even top the time Kagami helped Kise into a tearaway one suit so tight, at the end of it all he felt like he'd somehow reached second base with someone he wasn't even dating.
Ordering is simple, Takao and Kise usually switch off who goes first but Kagami is always, always last. Which is both fortunate and unfortunate. Usually he manages to get a little more than the two of them which is good. What isn't though...is that since his set is last, though the people left are willing to blow the rest of the money on him, there's a smaller crowd...and because of that, HE is always guaranteed a front row seat.
"Aominecchi's there front and center again!" Kise reports friday night, panting and covered in finger paint, whatever cash isn't stuck onto him with sweat and paint is falling around him, Kagami doesn't bother to help him pick it up because even he has his limits, "he must love you."
Kagami continues adjusting his fireman suspenders and pointedly ignores him.
Ever since Kagami's started working at KISEKI, Aomine's sat in on his shows at least once a week. Which was a little strange at first but is now actively infuriating since Aomine's apparently decided taunting him with his damn presence wasn’t enough and has decided to add harassment to the list.
He now knows from active experience that Aomine IS a dick and he's got his heart set on being a dick TO Kagami. At this point, the fact that they've only gotten into a handful of fistfights is only due to the fact that Akashi's instilled the fear of god and unemployment into them.
"Asshole better not make me give him a lap dance again. He was making fun of my technique last time." And there had been a night, they'd almost started a fight on the damn floor if it wasn't for Kuroko. But unfortunately, Kagami's roommate wasn't there right now and so he'd have to be dealing with Aomine being an asshole and resisting the urge to punch the smirk off his face on his own.
"We have been doing this longer than you have," Kise says, and Kagami let's that slide if only because Kise is in a g-string and picking money up from the floor and even he can't make that look graceful.
"He's a jerk who likes messing with me." Kagami tosses over his shoulder before an guitar riff thunders and he grabs his prop fireman's axe.
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"God, you're so shitty at this." Just like last time, Aomine is bitching in his ear as he pulls Kagami forward with his suspenders, "didn't you listen to anything I said? Move your hips more."
As if to prove his point Aomine slides his hands to Kagami's hips and all but shoves him further onto his lap. Kagami feels like head-butting him, probably would if there weren't too many witnesses. He kind of still wishes he had his fireman's helmet on if only so he could 'accidentally' bump Aomine's forehead. Hard.
"Fuck you, don't you have anything better to do?" He hisses, grinds with a little more force than necessary against Aomine's jeans. Kagami tries not to think about what would happen if they accidentally broke the chair when he grabs onto Aomine's shoulders.
Aomine smiles vividly, teeth bright and sharp against the strobe lights.
Kagami hates this guy so much, it's kind of amazing.
"Nowhere else I'd rather be." Voice low and rough, not even the slightest bit tired from the way he's been bitching about Kagami's moves and ordering him around. He makes sure to give Kagami's ass another squeeze, Kagami 'accidentally' steps on his foot with the full force of his work boots.
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Kagami is of the belief that Takao is probably going to get murdered on stage.
Or dragged off and turned into furniture.
Or both. Probably both, one day Akashi is going to open the door and they'll shuffle inside and they will find a lamp and it will literally have Takao's face on it.
Every single time he brings up his concerns to the two bouncers at the door, Teppei and Murasakibara both have the same reaction.
Murasakibara continues to eat (today's snack is a pack of pretz) almost blearily, like he wasn't sleeping backstage. Teppei laughs off Kagami's grounded fears with the same sunny, paternal laugh that sounds like it belongs to someone with a family of four far, far away from here and not a twenty something ex-basketball player.
"He'll be fine, Midorima's Takao's patron!" Teppei says, never mind that this isn't a brothel in Edo long ago, never mind that they aren't prostitutes, never mind that Midorima always comes in and watches Takao's sets with a stony expression. Kagami's seen serial killers on crime shows back in America watch their prey the exact same way. It doesn't help that Midorima always looks more than vaguely pissed off at the whole affair so Kagami doesn't even know WHY he shows up time after time, show after show.
"He looks like he wants to KILL him." Kagami really thinks that this is open and shut, that not even twenty feet away, Midorima is sitting dead set in the middle of the floor by himself, some kind of plush hamster in his hand should be the OBVIOUS sign. No one else is literally here yet besides them. Midorima just continues to glare at the stage as Kasamatsu, their sound guy does a mike check and Izuki, their light technician fiddles with some of the bulbs on stage. He honestly looks like their presence morally offends him. Kagami feels for Takao, it's not even that he's not popular (because he is) and it's not like he doesn't have other regulars (he does, one of Akashi's friends Mibuchi shows up at a less frequent rate than Midorima) either, he just somehow acquired a stalker that is probably a serial killer.
"Yes, but the point is Midorima-kun's not GOING to kill Takao." Is all Teppei says instead of being appropriately concerned like a normal person, and then peering at the stuffed animal in Midorima's hand, "Today's lucky item was Hamtaro wasn't it? Takao'll be so touched."
"Taka-chin's gonna be so happy." Murasakibara agrees, snapping into another pretz stick. Once again Kagami squashes down the reservations he gets when he remembers that these two people are in charge of his wellbeing.
"You just don't understand Kagami, you missed out on a lot of things growing up overseas." Teppei looks like he's about a heartbeat away from petting Kagami's head and assuring him that he'll grow up to be a big boy too, so instead Kagami goes off to warn Takao once again, that his stalker is here and pointedly ask how well his judo throw is.
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Kuroko Tetsuya is Kagami's roommate and a former high school classmate of his. Even though he's a kindergarten teacher and this is probably a violation of some sort with the PTA, it's not surprising that he tends to show up at KISEKI from time to time.
Unfortunately, Kuroko is also a former middle school classmate of Aomine's and STILL his best friend.
So Kagami's not as surprised or disturbed as he used to be/should be when, on next Wednesday’s set, Kuroko is shoving a 1000 yen bill down his fireman pants while Aomine hands Kuroko another.
"Really?" Kuroko doesn't even bother to look embarrassed, just pushes down the other bill.
"Aomine-kun has said he's improved your lap dance technique." He says, voice surprisingly loud over the drum solo of the song playing. Kagami scowls in Aomine's direction. "I'd like to experience it for myself."
"You heard the man." Aomine adds looking far too pleased with himself.
"And why can't Kise do this?" Kise would love to give Kuroko a lap dance, hell Kise would probably pay KUROKO for the lap dance.
Kise after all, for reasons that have yet to reveal themselves to Kagami, is hopelessly in love with Kuroko.
"I'm sure Kise-kun's technique is lovely, but I did just pay you." Kuroko looks far too conspiratory for Kagami's comfort.
Kagami resolves that no matter how much Kuroko can't actually cook and would probably starve and no matter how much Kuroko begs, he is NOT making anything for a week.
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Kagami tries to file a harassment report on Aomine.
Try being tentative because he'd rather just slug the asshole in the face and be done with it but apparently that's frowned upon and the last time the sheer amount of makeup that went into covering their black eyes and bruises was enough to make Kagami swear off fighting at work (Akashi looked entirely too eager to 'make it rain pink slips').
So instead Kagami tried to go the slightly more emasculating and civil route of filing a complaint with HR, but since there is no HR, he has to pretty much file his complaint with Akashi.
It went as well as one could expect.
"We take allegations of sexual harrasment ver seriously." Akashi apparently doesn't, because he can't be bothered to look up from his computer, "but in this case, I'm not sure that this constitues as such. Your anger aside has Daiki actually done anything unseemly towards you."
"HIs whole existence is unseemly."
"Those are your personal opinions, Taiga..."
"He keeps showing up to my sets--"
"--during work hours?"
"Well no, my sets are on different days." Akashi is in charge of scheduling of course he knows, but Akashi obviously just wants him to acknowledge it.
"So he's paying admission and YOU as well as giving you advice off the clock of his own accord." Technically this is true but Kagami is not down with the phrasing. He'd tell Akashi as much but he's too busy trying to bring up what else could count as harassment. "Unless Daiki intimidates you in some way--"
"--You're kidding right? I totally kicked his ass last time." Kagami doesn't even bother to hide the disbelief in his voice because the notion is so ridiculous he can't even.
"I fail to see the problem here then."
"He's harassing me."
"Is he? It sounds like he's paying to see your sets and giving you sorely needed advice on improvement. I fail to see how that's harassment." Akashi says patiently and Kagami balks at how quickly and systematically Akashi just shut him down.
"What do you mean improvement? It's not like Aomine is better than me--"
"Taiga...have you actually ever BEEN to one of Daiki's shows?" Akashi interjects, finally turning away from the computer screen to raise what Kagami sees as a judgmental eyebrow at him, "you do understand he's our top earner for a reason."
"I thought I was the top earner?" The look Akashi gives him would be rude on other people, it's strangely brilliant how easy he can make belittling someone.
"You all do very well for yourselves, make no mistake--there's a reason our club's popular." It chafes at Kagami how that sounds placating, but he ignores it, "however there is a reason that Daiki's sets are almost standing room only.
"He can NOT be that popular, he's an asshole." Kagami argues, or valiantly tries to.
Akashi graciously ignores it and continues, "Why don't you go and see for yourself?"
Kagami would rather blind himself than give that douchebag the satisfaction of playing up to his ego, but he's not in the mood to deal with Akashi's wrath right now. Say what you will about him, but Kagami's got great survival instincts.
Instead he just mumbles something that sounds vaguely non-committal and lets himself out.
He really should've just decked Aomine in the mouth and been done with it.
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In some ways, Kise's infatuation with Kuroko is both awe-inspiring and soul-crushing at the same time.
It is kind of hard to watch the guy get shot down over and over again. But at the same time, admittedly it appeals to Kagami's sense of schadenfreude. Kagami thinks that's probably how everyone feels since no one has yet to deter Kise from yet another polite if pointed put down. It's almost routine at this point.
Kagami's starting to get the feeling that Kise probably has some kind of masochistic streak.
Objectively speaking, it’s kind of sweet in a very surreal way, that Kise is so amazingly hung up over Kuroko when Kagami's seen the many, many good looking and very wealthy men that practically throw themselves at his feet every time he takes stage.
Kise's not exactly starving for prospective dating partners, but with his obsession with Kuroko it sometimes feels like it.
Although Kagami doesn't even really understand why Kuroko shoots Kise down since he's pretty sure Kuroko does not in fact dislike Kise at all. If anything, the way Kuroko sometimes asks about Kise, at home, away from KISEKI, shows that he is anything but.
Getting his roommate to admit it though is an exercise in futility.
"You sure you don't want to take up Kise on his offer?" Kagami asks once again from where he's mixing up batter for pancakes in the kitchen. Across the counter, at the dining room table, Kuroko continues to grade papers for next week's lesson plans. Last night Kuroko shot down Kise in such a vivid manner, Kagami almost saw flames. And yet Kuroko just asked when Kise's next set was.
"I don't understand what you're talking about Kagami-kun." Kuroko remarks genially, and Kagami would believe it if he didn't actually KNOW Kuroko.
"Yesterday, he offered to take you out for dinner, you said 'no' because you had some papers to grade but you're doing them now." Kagami points out, whisking quicker than needed, "and I know Golden week's coming up so you can't have THAT much to do."
"I'm not sure what you're implying." Kuroko replies just shy of airily, reaching for another stack of papers. Kagami knows that it's for show because he helped grade THAT stack earlier.
"Do you like him or not? Because I can't ever really tell with you." Kagami demands, going for direct, "if you don't like him at all, why not just explain it to him. Kise's not THAT bad a guy." And it's true, he isn't that horrible as a person, it'll probably break his heart but if Kuroko's not feeling it there's probably no point.
"I never said I wasn't interested in Kise-kun." Kuroko interjects looking up from his grading, like it's all so simple to him, "I just don't feel like going out with him."
"Then TELL him that so he can move on." Kagami puts the bowl down to stare disapprovingly over the counter, Kuroko just returns his gaze back.
"Why?" Kuroko asks.
"What do you mean 'WHY'? So he can date someone else." Kagami is really feeling a migraine make its way to him, this always happens whenever Kise comes up in discussion. At this point, he's starting to think it's going to be linked into his subconscious.
"I don't want that Kagami-kun, I'm interested why would I want him to date someone else?" Kuroko returns factually.
"You're not even DATING now." Kagami says, almost frantic.
"Exactly." Kuroko nods approvingly, like he isn't trying to drive Kagami slowly insane.
"That doesn't even make sense, if you like him go TELL him already if you want to date him." At this rate, Kagami is going to burn Kuroko's breakfast in the spirit of being vindictive.
"I'd rather not."
"Then I'LL tell him."
"You do and I'll tell Aomine-kun that he's more than welcome to live here after all." Kuroko says, going back to his grading fully aware and comfortable in the magnitude of his threat.
At the end of the day, Kuroko is above all else a soulless bastard and no one ever believes Kagami but it is SO true. True to form, Kagami burns Kuroko's breakfast, lunch, and only doesn't burn their dinner if only because Kuroko threatens to cook.
Frustration over Kuroko and his life choices is not enough for him to risk food poisoning. Again.
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Kagami is helping Takao into some terrifying heels. Kagami's not even sure they made dominatrix heels in men's sizes but apparently where there's a will there's a way. Takao is trying to pin his nurse's hat to his head and Kagami doesn't even have to glance outside to know exactly who it's for.
Absently Kagami wonders what kind of weird thing Takao's stalker is going to bring with him this time.
"I still don't know why you're so nice to that guy." At this point Kagami is hoping if he repeats this enough, one day Takao will realize the grave peril he is actually in.
"Don't be rude, Shin-chan and I go way back, we used to be on the same basketball team in high school." Kagami finishes zipping up the boot's shiny, shiny vinyl and steps back. Takao bends over to finish snapping his garters in.
"Right." Picturing Takao and his stalker playing basketball isn't exactly as hilarious as it is mystifying.
"Anyways, Shin-chan's sweet. He's in love with me and wants to 'save me' from a life of stripping." Takao continues diplomatically, like he couldn't see Kagami's expression in the mirror.
There's so much that doesn't make sense in that sentence, and Kagami would say as much but all he manages is "How?"
"Easy, Shin-chan's always been a fan of the zettai ryoki that's our how. At this rate, I'll have enough for us to start a nest egg."
...Kagami is considering just leaving Takao to his future aspiration of being Midorima's victim.
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"I thought you said my lap dance was fine--"
"--Still could use some work"
"Eat a dick."
"Would probably be better at it than you are."
At this point, Kagami is getting more than a bit desperate, especially since Aomine has been getting increasingly handsy as of late. It's telling how used to Aomine's jeering and touching he's getting to be. Tonight, like always, Aomine's got his hands inside Kagami's pants, and Kagami is more than sure that this isn't technically allowed. Aomine just shoves another bill down and smirks.
"I'm waiting, Taiga."
Kagami only doesn't ball tap him if only because he knows Akashi's somewhere lurking around.
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Himuro is the closest Kagami has to an older brother figure, which is unfortunate, since they both work together.
Also unfortunate, because of said career, seeking advice from said older brother figure is increasingly awkward.
Especially considering the many varied and storied compromising positions that Kagami keeps catching him and Murasakibara in.
The worst part though is the obvious lies that Himuro feeds him every time.
"Atsushi was just helping me stretch--"
"--You already used that one last week. Why would you both need your pants down to stretch anyways?"
"That doesn't make it any less true Taiga. Our pants were in the way."
"I'm not twelve anymore, I know what sex is."
"And that's great, IF we had been having sex."
For the sake of his sanity and to retain the last shreds of his respect for Himuro, Kagami just drops it. Besides, he's got more pressing issues at hand here.
"Aomine is harassing me." Because Himuro is probably the only person here with SANITY besides him. "I can't get him to STOP touching me."
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"It's pretty sad that you have to turn to ME to save you Kagami-kun."
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"Ok your hands don't have to touch my junk--"
"Believe me, it's a compliment."
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"Aren't you going to defend my honor?" Kagami rages, because Aomine just accosted him publicly to the cheers of thirty paying patrons and he's more than positive that Himuro didn't actually SEE any of it since he's currently brushing umaibou crumbs out of his hair, not even bothering to hide his new bite-marks on his neck.
"Taiga, you have five inches on me. You really don't need ME of all people to defend your honor." Himuro says, adjusting his sailor uniform with aplomb.
"...Some older brother you are." The accusation doesn't even make Himuro bat an eye.
"I love you too."
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"Oh no, he's hot--KUROKO YOU BASTARD, STOP LAUGHING."
"Aomine-kun is so lucky."
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Kise is wearing Kuroko's t-shirt even though it's two sizes too small.
Kagami honestly wishes he could unsee the sight.
"...I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be the other way around."
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"Ao-chin can't be a security threat, he works here."
Of-fucking-course, a hobo could run inside and gut him on stage and Murasakibara would probably just blink myopically.
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Takao is going to be stabbed in front of KISEKI and they're all going to be witnesses and why isn't anyone doing ANYTHING?
"Read the air, BAKAgami, Takao's not going to get stabbed." Aomine snorts, nudging him a little so he can get a better view, it probably doesn't help that they're the same height.
"...At least not with a knife." Himuro murmurs and Kagami tries valiantly to ignore the implication of THAT.
"You guys, Midorima just lunged at him--we need to DO something." It's a sad, sad state of affairs he has to be the voice of reason to his own boss. Akashi, unphased just turns from the scene and announces, "Let Kazunari know he can have the day off."
"He's not going to need days off if Midorima stabs--" All the words die in Kagami's throat when he looks back in time to see Midorima kissing Takao.
He can see tongue. And enthusiasm. He quickly backs away to give them space...while he's alright with helping Takao into women's dresses this is just a bit too much for him.
What the hell was that about?
"Told you." Teppei laughs, even though no he really didn't and Kagami still actually has no idea what just happened and has a sinking feeling no one will actually explain it to him.
He's right, no one does.
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"Kagami-kun, why do YOU think Aomine would want to help you with your routine or your pay to see you perform it?"
"If I knew I wouldn't fucking ask."
"Kagamicchi...are...are you kidding?"
The fact that KISE of all people is giving Kagami a pitying look is just something that he won't stand for.
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There is no real traumatic or emotionally stimulating reason that Kagami is a stripper. His family isn't in debt to the yakuza, he's not jilted over anyone nor is he specifically traumatized physically or mentally. The sad truth is, his basketball scholarship barely covered his tuition and unfortunately, unlike the semi-pro league and its annual tryouts, student loans wait for no man.
He needed money, and he needed it fast.
Besides, his job options were limited to either this, hosting, or some kind of job in the food service industry and with his stomach's sensitivity to alcohol as well as the limited job experience he did have, the other two options were out from the get go.
It's not exactly his dream job, but he could have it far, far worse. Stripping's pretty straight forward: you take your clothes off, dance a little, money gets thrown at you--the end. If anything, the only real drawbacks about his job ARE his coworkers, which he's realized through repeated exposure are kind of insane and mentally fifteen and not above throwing shoes at each other. Oh and his boss is kind of a megalomaniac and simultaneously maternal.
...So there's that.
But crazy coworkers he can deal with, a nosy boss he can deal with, he's gotten used to the fact that one of the two bouncers at the door in charge of his safety on occasion tends to nap instead of do his job, he can deal with the fact one of his co-workers has a stalker who he both harasses and dotes over, and he can deal with the fact another of his co-workers is LITERALLY a heartbeat from stalking his OWN roommate. And he's not even going to get into it about Hanamiya.
Kagami's sadly gotten USED to the collective weird that is his coworkers and kind of friends. They're not so bad really...ish. Mostly. They mean well. It was just a job, these things happen, hazards of the trade and all that. Instead of wearing a suit and tie, working nine to five, Kagami and his coworkers disrobe and dance from five to two. In a way, he actually started making peace with himself and his lot in life even when it came down to the fact that twice a day he helps another dude strap himself into platform heels while helping another coat his body in glitter.
Of course this was all before Aomine Daiki decided to make Kagami's life all the more complicated.
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Aomine later claims that he was flirting, Kagami champions that it was harassment that eventually wore him down.
Kuroko translates it as Aomine wearing Kagami down with his presence. It's Aomine's form of flirting.
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All of them have themes, which they seldom stray from cause then Akashi gets kind of tetchy and annoyed and thereby you somehow end up running laps around the damn club even though you're not even in high school anymore.
Kagami's a fireman, Kise's is either him as an idol or him as a painter (Kagami's never really bothered asking why it's either of those two if only because he's kind of afraid of the answer), Takao's always a nurse (they're not even that kind of club, but Takao's always a nurse and he's always in heels and stockings), Himuro's does something with military uniforms (it's really just an excuse for him to wear short shorts and lace up knee-highs), Hanamiya has some kind of spider theme, and then there's Aomine with his cop routine.
They alternate days, and Akashi is usually in charge of scheduling but for reasons that mystify Kagami even with the supposedly 'random' sequence, his set days always coincide with Kise and Takao's.
He has a sneaking suspicion they both begged Akashi for it if only because Kagami's kind of a push over and the most likely to help them out with the least amount of resistance.
At this point, he's not even shocked that he knows Takao's shoe size, nor that he could probably snap him into garters blindfolded. And that doesn't even top the time Kagami helped Kise into a tearaway one suit so tight, at the end of it all he felt like he'd somehow reached second base with someone he wasn't even dating.
Ordering is simple, Takao and Kise usually switch off who goes first but Kagami is always, always last. Which is both fortunate and unfortunate. Usually he manages to get a little more than the two of them which is good. What isn't though...is that since his set is last, though the people left are willing to blow the rest of the money on him, there's a smaller crowd...and because of that, HE is always guaranteed a front row seat.
"Aominecchi's there front and center again!" Kise reports friday night, panting and covered in finger paint, whatever cash isn't stuck onto him with sweat and paint is falling around him, Kagami doesn't bother to help him pick it up because even he has his limits, "he must love you."
Kagami continues adjusting his fireman suspenders and pointedly ignores him.
Ever since Kagami's started working at KISEKI, Aomine's sat in on his shows at least once a week. Which was a little strange at first but is now actively infuriating since Aomine's apparently decided taunting him with his damn presence wasn’t enough and has decided to add harassment to the list.
He now knows from active experience that Aomine IS a dick and he's got his heart set on being a dick TO Kagami. At this point, the fact that they've only gotten into a handful of fistfights is only due to the fact that Akashi's instilled the fear of god and unemployment into them.
"Asshole better not make me give him a lap dance again. He was making fun of my technique last time." And there had been a night, they'd almost started a fight on the damn floor if it wasn't for Kuroko. But unfortunately, Kagami's roommate wasn't there right now and so he'd have to be dealing with Aomine being an asshole and resisting the urge to punch the smirk off his face on his own.
"We have been doing this longer than you have," Kise says, and Kagami let's that slide if only because Kise is in a g-string and picking money up from the floor and even he can't make that look graceful.
"He's a jerk who likes messing with me." Kagami tosses over his shoulder before an guitar riff thunders and he grabs his prop fireman's axe.
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"God, you're so shitty at this." Just like last time, Aomine is bitching in his ear as he pulls Kagami forward with his suspenders, "didn't you listen to anything I said? Move your hips more."
As if to prove his point Aomine slides his hands to Kagami's hips and all but shoves him further onto his lap. Kagami feels like head-butting him, probably would if there weren't too many witnesses. He kind of still wishes he had his fireman's helmet on if only so he could 'accidentally' bump Aomine's forehead. Hard.
"Fuck you, don't you have anything better to do?" He hisses, grinds with a little more force than necessary against Aomine's jeans. Kagami tries not to think about what would happen if they accidentally broke the chair when he grabs onto Aomine's shoulders.
Aomine smiles vividly, teeth bright and sharp against the strobe lights.
Kagami hates this guy so much, it's kind of amazing.
"Nowhere else I'd rather be." Voice low and rough, not even the slightest bit tired from the way he's been bitching about Kagami's moves and ordering him around. He makes sure to give Kagami's ass another squeeze, Kagami 'accidentally' steps on his foot with the full force of his work boots.
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Kagami is of the belief that Takao is probably going to get murdered on stage.
Or dragged off and turned into furniture.
Or both. Probably both, one day Akashi is going to open the door and they'll shuffle inside and they will find a lamp and it will literally have Takao's face on it.
Every single time he brings up his concerns to the two bouncers at the door, Teppei and Murasakibara both have the same reaction.
Murasakibara continues to eat (today's snack is a pack of pretz) almost blearily, like he wasn't sleeping backstage. Teppei laughs off Kagami's grounded fears with the same sunny, paternal laugh that sounds like it belongs to someone with a family of four far, far away from here and not a twenty something ex-basketball player.
"He'll be fine, Midorima's Takao's patron!" Teppei says, never mind that this isn't a brothel in Edo long ago, never mind that they aren't prostitutes, never mind that Midorima always comes in and watches Takao's sets with a stony expression. Kagami's seen serial killers on crime shows back in America watch their prey the exact same way. It doesn't help that Midorima always looks more than vaguely pissed off at the whole affair so Kagami doesn't even know WHY he shows up time after time, show after show.
"He looks like he wants to KILL him." Kagami really thinks that this is open and shut, that not even twenty feet away, Midorima is sitting dead set in the middle of the floor by himself, some kind of plush hamster in his hand should be the OBVIOUS sign. No one else is literally here yet besides them. Midorima just continues to glare at the stage as Kasamatsu, their sound guy does a mike check and Izuki, their light technician fiddles with some of the bulbs on stage. He honestly looks like their presence morally offends him. Kagami feels for Takao, it's not even that he's not popular (because he is) and it's not like he doesn't have other regulars (he does, one of Akashi's friends Mibuchi shows up at a less frequent rate than Midorima) either, he just somehow acquired a stalker that is probably a serial killer.
"Yes, but the point is Midorima-kun's not GOING to kill Takao." Is all Teppei says instead of being appropriately concerned like a normal person, and then peering at the stuffed animal in Midorima's hand, "Today's lucky item was Hamtaro wasn't it? Takao'll be so touched."
"Taka-chin's gonna be so happy." Murasakibara agrees, snapping into another pretz stick. Once again Kagami squashes down the reservations he gets when he remembers that these two people are in charge of his wellbeing.
"You just don't understand Kagami, you missed out on a lot of things growing up overseas." Teppei looks like he's about a heartbeat away from petting Kagami's head and assuring him that he'll grow up to be a big boy too, so instead Kagami goes off to warn Takao once again, that his stalker is here and pointedly ask how well his judo throw is.
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Kuroko Tetsuya is Kagami's roommate and a former high school classmate of his. Even though he's a kindergarten teacher and this is probably a violation of some sort with the PTA, it's not surprising that he tends to show up at KISEKI from time to time.
Unfortunately, Kuroko is also a former middle school classmate of Aomine's and STILL his best friend.
So Kagami's not as surprised or disturbed as he used to be/should be when, on next Wednesday’s set, Kuroko is shoving a 1000 yen bill down his fireman pants while Aomine hands Kuroko another.
"Really?" Kuroko doesn't even bother to look embarrassed, just pushes down the other bill.
"Aomine-kun has said he's improved your lap dance technique." He says, voice surprisingly loud over the drum solo of the song playing. Kagami scowls in Aomine's direction. "I'd like to experience it for myself."
"You heard the man." Aomine adds looking far too pleased with himself.
"And why can't Kise do this?" Kise would love to give Kuroko a lap dance, hell Kise would probably pay KUROKO for the lap dance.
Kise after all, for reasons that have yet to reveal themselves to Kagami, is hopelessly in love with Kuroko.
"I'm sure Kise-kun's technique is lovely, but I did just pay you." Kuroko looks far too conspiratory for Kagami's comfort.
Kagami resolves that no matter how much Kuroko can't actually cook and would probably starve and no matter how much Kuroko begs, he is NOT making anything for a week.
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Kagami tries to file a harassment report on Aomine.
Try being tentative because he'd rather just slug the asshole in the face and be done with it but apparently that's frowned upon and the last time the sheer amount of makeup that went into covering their black eyes and bruises was enough to make Kagami swear off fighting at work (Akashi looked entirely too eager to 'make it rain pink slips').
So instead Kagami tried to go the slightly more emasculating and civil route of filing a complaint with HR, but since there is no HR, he has to pretty much file his complaint with Akashi.
It went as well as one could expect.
"We take allegations of sexual harrasment ver seriously." Akashi apparently doesn't, because he can't be bothered to look up from his computer, "but in this case, I'm not sure that this constitues as such. Your anger aside has Daiki actually done anything unseemly towards you."
"HIs whole existence is unseemly."
"Those are your personal opinions, Taiga..."
"He keeps showing up to my sets--"
"--during work hours?"
"Well no, my sets are on different days." Akashi is in charge of scheduling of course he knows, but Akashi obviously just wants him to acknowledge it.
"So he's paying admission and YOU as well as giving you advice off the clock of his own accord." Technically this is true but Kagami is not down with the phrasing. He'd tell Akashi as much but he's too busy trying to bring up what else could count as harassment. "Unless Daiki intimidates you in some way--"
"--You're kidding right? I totally kicked his ass last time." Kagami doesn't even bother to hide the disbelief in his voice because the notion is so ridiculous he can't even.
"I fail to see the problem here then."
"He's harassing me."
"Is he? It sounds like he's paying to see your sets and giving you sorely needed advice on improvement. I fail to see how that's harassment." Akashi says patiently and Kagami balks at how quickly and systematically Akashi just shut him down.
"What do you mean improvement? It's not like Aomine is better than me--"
"Taiga...have you actually ever BEEN to one of Daiki's shows?" Akashi interjects, finally turning away from the computer screen to raise what Kagami sees as a judgmental eyebrow at him, "you do understand he's our top earner for a reason."
"I thought I was the top earner?" The look Akashi gives him would be rude on other people, it's strangely brilliant how easy he can make belittling someone.
"You all do very well for yourselves, make no mistake--there's a reason our club's popular." It chafes at Kagami how that sounds placating, but he ignores it, "however there is a reason that Daiki's sets are almost standing room only.
"He can NOT be that popular, he's an asshole." Kagami argues, or valiantly tries to.
Akashi graciously ignores it and continues, "Why don't you go and see for yourself?"
Kagami would rather blind himself than give that douchebag the satisfaction of playing up to his ego, but he's not in the mood to deal with Akashi's wrath right now. Say what you will about him, but Kagami's got great survival instincts.
Instead he just mumbles something that sounds vaguely non-committal and lets himself out.
He really should've just decked Aomine in the mouth and been done with it.
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In some ways, Kise's infatuation with Kuroko is both awe-inspiring and soul-crushing at the same time.
It is kind of hard to watch the guy get shot down over and over again. But at the same time, admittedly it appeals to Kagami's sense of schadenfreude. Kagami thinks that's probably how everyone feels since no one has yet to deter Kise from yet another polite if pointed put down. It's almost routine at this point.
Kagami's starting to get the feeling that Kise probably has some kind of masochistic streak.
Objectively speaking, it’s kind of sweet in a very surreal way, that Kise is so amazingly hung up over Kuroko when Kagami's seen the many, many good looking and very wealthy men that practically throw themselves at his feet every time he takes stage.
Kise's not exactly starving for prospective dating partners, but with his obsession with Kuroko it sometimes feels like it.
Although Kagami doesn't even really understand why Kuroko shoots Kise down since he's pretty sure Kuroko does not in fact dislike Kise at all. If anything, the way Kuroko sometimes asks about Kise, at home, away from KISEKI, shows that he is anything but.
Getting his roommate to admit it though is an exercise in futility.
"You sure you don't want to take up Kise on his offer?" Kagami asks once again from where he's mixing up batter for pancakes in the kitchen. Across the counter, at the dining room table, Kuroko continues to grade papers for next week's lesson plans. Last night Kuroko shot down Kise in such a vivid manner, Kagami almost saw flames. And yet Kuroko just asked when Kise's next set was.
"I don't understand what you're talking about Kagami-kun." Kuroko remarks genially, and Kagami would believe it if he didn't actually KNOW Kuroko.
"Yesterday, he offered to take you out for dinner, you said 'no' because you had some papers to grade but you're doing them now." Kagami points out, whisking quicker than needed, "and I know Golden week's coming up so you can't have THAT much to do."
"I'm not sure what you're implying." Kuroko replies just shy of airily, reaching for another stack of papers. Kagami knows that it's for show because he helped grade THAT stack earlier.
"Do you like him or not? Because I can't ever really tell with you." Kagami demands, going for direct, "if you don't like him at all, why not just explain it to him. Kise's not THAT bad a guy." And it's true, he isn't that horrible as a person, it'll probably break his heart but if Kuroko's not feeling it there's probably no point.
"I never said I wasn't interested in Kise-kun." Kuroko interjects looking up from his grading, like it's all so simple to him, "I just don't feel like going out with him."
"Then TELL him that so he can move on." Kagami puts the bowl down to stare disapprovingly over the counter, Kuroko just returns his gaze back.
"Why?" Kuroko asks.
"What do you mean 'WHY'? So he can date someone else." Kagami is really feeling a migraine make its way to him, this always happens whenever Kise comes up in discussion. At this point, he's starting to think it's going to be linked into his subconscious.
"I don't want that Kagami-kun, I'm interested why would I want him to date someone else?" Kuroko returns factually.
"You're not even DATING now." Kagami says, almost frantic.
"Exactly." Kuroko nods approvingly, like he isn't trying to drive Kagami slowly insane.
"That doesn't even make sense, if you like him go TELL him already if you want to date him." At this rate, Kagami is going to burn Kuroko's breakfast in the spirit of being vindictive.
"I'd rather not."
"Then I'LL tell him."
"You do and I'll tell Aomine-kun that he's more than welcome to live here after all." Kuroko says, going back to his grading fully aware and comfortable in the magnitude of his threat.
At the end of the day, Kuroko is above all else a soulless bastard and no one ever believes Kagami but it is SO true. True to form, Kagami burns Kuroko's breakfast, lunch, and only doesn't burn their dinner if only because Kuroko threatens to cook.
Frustration over Kuroko and his life choices is not enough for him to risk food poisoning. Again.
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Kagami is helping Takao into some terrifying heels. Kagami's not even sure they made dominatrix heels in men's sizes but apparently where there's a will there's a way. Takao is trying to pin his nurse's hat to his head and Kagami doesn't even have to glance outside to know exactly who it's for.
Absently Kagami wonders what kind of weird thing Takao's stalker is going to bring with him this time.
"I still don't know why you're so nice to that guy." At this point Kagami is hoping if he repeats this enough, one day Takao will realize the grave peril he is actually in.
"Don't be rude, Shin-chan and I go way back, we used to be on the same basketball team in high school." Kagami finishes zipping up the boot's shiny, shiny vinyl and steps back. Takao bends over to finish snapping his garters in.
"Right." Picturing Takao and his stalker playing basketball isn't exactly as hilarious as it is mystifying.
"Anyways, Shin-chan's sweet. He's in love with me and wants to 'save me' from a life of stripping." Takao continues diplomatically, like he couldn't see Kagami's expression in the mirror.
There's so much that doesn't make sense in that sentence, and Kagami would say as much but all he manages is "How?"
"Easy, Shin-chan's always been a fan of the zettai ryoki that's our how. At this rate, I'll have enough for us to start a nest egg."
...Kagami is considering just leaving Takao to his future aspiration of being Midorima's victim.
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"I thought you said my lap dance was fine--"
"--Still could use some work"
"Eat a dick."
"Would probably be better at it than you are."
At this point, Kagami is getting more than a bit desperate, especially since Aomine has been getting increasingly handsy as of late. It's telling how used to Aomine's jeering and touching he's getting to be. Tonight, like always, Aomine's got his hands inside Kagami's pants, and Kagami is more than sure that this isn't technically allowed. Aomine just shoves another bill down and smirks.
"I'm waiting, Taiga."
Kagami only doesn't ball tap him if only because he knows Akashi's somewhere lurking around.
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Himuro is the closest Kagami has to an older brother figure, which is unfortunate, since they both work together.
Also unfortunate, because of said career, seeking advice from said older brother figure is increasingly awkward.
Especially considering the many varied and storied compromising positions that Kagami keeps catching him and Murasakibara in.
The worst part though is the obvious lies that Himuro feeds him every time.
"Atsushi was just helping me stretch--"
"--You already used that one last week. Why would you both need your pants down to stretch anyways?"
"That doesn't make it any less true Taiga. Our pants were in the way."
"I'm not twelve anymore, I know what sex is."
"And that's great, IF we had been having sex."
For the sake of his sanity and to retain the last shreds of his respect for Himuro, Kagami just drops it. Besides, he's got more pressing issues at hand here.
"Aomine is harassing me." Because Himuro is probably the only person here with SANITY besides him. "I can't get him to STOP touching me."
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"It's pretty sad that you have to turn to ME to save you Kagami-kun."
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"Ok your hands don't have to touch my junk--"
"Believe me, it's a compliment."
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"Aren't you going to defend my honor?" Kagami rages, because Aomine just accosted him publicly to the cheers of thirty paying patrons and he's more than positive that Himuro didn't actually SEE any of it since he's currently brushing umaibou crumbs out of his hair, not even bothering to hide his new bite-marks on his neck.
"Taiga, you have five inches on me. You really don't need ME of all people to defend your honor." Himuro says, adjusting his sailor uniform with aplomb.
"...Some older brother you are." The accusation doesn't even make Himuro bat an eye.
"I love you too."
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"Oh no, he's hot--KUROKO YOU BASTARD, STOP LAUGHING."
"Aomine-kun is so lucky."
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Kise is wearing Kuroko's t-shirt even though it's two sizes too small.
Kagami honestly wishes he could unsee the sight.
"...I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be the other way around."
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"Ao-chin can't be a security threat, he works here."
Of-fucking-course, a hobo could run inside and gut him on stage and Murasakibara would probably just blink myopically.
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Takao is going to be stabbed in front of KISEKI and they're all going to be witnesses and why isn't anyone doing ANYTHING?
"Read the air, BAKAgami, Takao's not going to get stabbed." Aomine snorts, nudging him a little so he can get a better view, it probably doesn't help that they're the same height.
"...At least not with a knife." Himuro murmurs and Kagami tries valiantly to ignore the implication of THAT.
"You guys, Midorima just lunged at him--we need to DO something." It's a sad, sad state of affairs he has to be the voice of reason to his own boss. Akashi, unphased just turns from the scene and announces, "Let Kazunari know he can have the day off."
"He's not going to need days off if Midorima stabs--" All the words die in Kagami's throat when he looks back in time to see Midorima kissing Takao.
He can see tongue. And enthusiasm. He quickly backs away to give them space...while he's alright with helping Takao into women's dresses this is just a bit too much for him.
What the hell was that about?
"Told you." Teppei laughs, even though no he really didn't and Kagami still actually has no idea what just happened and has a sinking feeling no one will actually explain it to him.
He's right, no one does.
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"Kagami-kun, why do YOU think Aomine would want to help you with your routine or your pay to see you perform it?"
"If I knew I wouldn't fucking ask."
"Kagamicchi...are...are you kidding?"
The fact that KISE of all people is giving Kagami a pitying look is just something that he won't stand for.
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